So, just how cramped are you?

Issued under a Creative Commons licence

Issued under a Creative Commons licence

Finding out about the amount of legroom on trains is like trying finding out the Queen’s inside leg measurement: it’s risky, fraught with difficulty, and tantamount to treason.

Legroom (or lack of it) is a pet hate of mine, having endured many journeys where I have had to sit perfectly still, lest my thigh come into contact with the stranger’s opposite. I mean, thigh rubbing is more a third date thing.

Having contacted all the major rail companies and been ignored/refused by all of them, the best figures available were courtesy of Justin Smith on railforums.co.uk. He measured the distance from the rear of the seat to where one’s knees normally would be. I converted them from inches to centimetres, and put them into a table, and a graph. The list is not exhaustive.

As you can see, Northern Rail is the worst train company, with all of their rolling stock offering just 66cm in legroom – that’s the same as a 26 inch telly. However, the worst single train is the East Midlands class 158, with 63.5cm of legroom. This train is a long-distance train that runs from Norwich to Liverpool – a journey that takes over four hours. Ouch.

At a third more room than Northern Rail, Hull Trains offers the most generous legroom for standard class passengers, at a capacious 86.4cm – the same as in first class. Finally, a reason to go to Hull! Out of the trains to offer ‘priority’ seating (generally for those who are disabled, with pushchairs or small children), only on Hull Trains is the priority seating more generous than in first class – but only by two centimetres.

The average length of seating in the eight trains with First Class is 90.8cm, whereas standard class in the same eight trains measures at an average of just 73.7cm. The biggest class divide is on the electric East Coast train (which runs on the West Coast Main Line), with 25.3cm difference between first class and standard class.

Part of the reason why it is so difficult to work out on which journeys you will be luxuriating in space or wedged in like a Lego brick at an orgy is because the seating layout is not dependent on the train company itself, but the rolling stock each company runs (i.e. looking at different carriages – trainspotting territory).

However, even if two train companies own the same type of rolling stock, they often refurbish the interiors to their own specifications. Therefore, it is highly likely that legroom on a train is almost as idiosyncratic as the train itself. Perhaps the best advice is to invest in a straitjacket, so you will be sure you can use the seat next to you to put your feet up.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

Six reasons why St Pancras sucks if you’re a commuter

I know, I know. St Pancras International Station is a marvel. It combines beauty with functionality and upmarket chain stores. John Betjeman loved it. It makes the Daily Mail proud to be British. It manages to be cool and establishment all at the same time.

As I hail from the sunny climes of Luton town, it also happens to be my commuter station. And, just sometimes, I wish it was a bit more, you know, normal. Restful shades of mud brown; just one escalator to get to the surface. They’re simple desires, but not ones that are likely to be fulfilled. And that’s why if you commute, St Pancras is less ‘breathtaking’ and more something to be endured…

  1. It’s a Eurostar terminal, so there are endless gaggles of tourists, suitcases to trip over and romantic couples swooning on their way to Paris. When all you’ve got to look forward to is 40 minutes jammed under a predatory male’s sweaty armpit and a lasagna for one.

    Via stpancras.com

    Photo: stpancras.com

  2. Similarly, St Pancras has posh shops and a champagne bar that you have to walk past to get from the tube station to the National Rail platforms, meaning you have to dash past shiny glass shop fronts full of beautiful things you will never be able to afford. And, let’s face it, you never get to St Pancras early enough to shop there.
  3. The main concourse is ginormous, with people heading in all different directions like sheep on LSD. The result? Clashes worthy of Formula 1.

    Photo: guardian.co.uk

    Photo: guardian.co.uk

  4. Endless Instagramming of ‘gorgeous’, ‘stunning’, etc., etc., St Pancras. As if three million people hadn’t noticed it before that – gasp – the station has a roof.St Pancras roof
  5. Epic strolls to the Tube worthy of the London Marathon. It’s so long you suspect that St Pancras is colluding in secret government plans to make all commuters walk halfway to their destinations before allowing them on public transport.

    Photo: geograph.org.uk

    Photo: geograph.org.uk

  6. The pianos on the main concourse. Well, the last thing you need after a stressful day at the office is a tourist tipsy on overpriced champagne attempting to bash out Chopsticks for the twelfth time. If one of those pianos could speak, it would surely moan, “Did any of you get past grade 2 piano?” 

The ten best station pubs (non-London)

The Sheffield Tap. Image: sheffieldtap.com

The Sheffield Tap. Image: sheffieldtap.com

Confession time: I think the north is awesome. The people are friendlier, the views are better and the trains are amazingly cheap (I have no idea how Northern Rail stays in business). And now it seems they have the best array of pubs within spitting distance of your train.

As this is meant to be a list of pubs that you can pop in while waiting on the platform, I have included pubs at major stations; mainly because I haven’t yet reached that stage of life where I feel the need to travel to a railway station for a booze-up. Enjoy.

Click on a placemark to see descriptions and details.

Live in London? Check out our best station pubs in London.

The Usual Suspects Found On The Tube

No commute feels right without at least three of the following people..

1. The Lush. Morning, noon or night, you can count on this inebriate staggering betwixt the carriages, bottle-shaped paper bag in hand. And thank god for that – he / she somehow makes us feel better about our own sorry lot.

2. The Tourist. They’re looking around, they’re making eye contact, they’re SMILING. They can’t possibly be from London.

3. The Square Peg. This person is wearing the finest threads and toting the flashest attaché. They’re far more familiar with Oysters on ice. They must be down here as some sort of sick fetish.

4. The Inanimate. They haven’t opened their eyes once. Are they meditating? Are they sleeping? Are they dead? Who cares.

5. The Slipshod. The person who reads over your shoulder, breathes heavily in your ear, and stands on your toes. Normally malodorous. Always unacceptable.

6. The Disarray. He / she is definitely running late. They’re half-dressed and trying to compose themselves on a packed, moving train. Discernible by the smudged red lipstick, under-breath swearing, and welling tears.

Which one are you?