About Charlotte Oliver

Love trashy magazines, post-modern literature and everything else in between. Especially The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Commutter – stupid things commuters say and hear

“Dante, if you don’t stop misbehaving, we’re not going to “The Nutcracker”


Oh, mumsy!! How raaaaahlly awful of you.


TFL and some Graphic Grumblings

It’s no secret that we at London Locomotion enjoy some commuter complaining. It’s a time to revel in our community, to stand arm in arm with our fellow tube-goers (like we have a choice) and say: “Hey TFL, go eff yo’selves!…luv ya really xxx”

But it seems that, when push comes to shove (as it always does), we commuters eschew the official channels of complaint. According to TFL records, they receive very few complaints about the London Underground. Like, very, very few. In fact, 2012 saw just was 2.27 people per 100,000 complaining for the full year. Now, call us crazy – loco even – but this just seems pitiful. Come on, commuters, think about the delays! The smell! The rats! Rise up and complain, for god’s sake!

In the meantime, here’s a pretty graph to show you how ungrumbletastic our community really is. And if that doesn’t stir you, think about this….CYCLISTS moan more than us. And they’re supposed to be hippy happy all the bloody time.

Meanwhile, as a means of inspiration, here are the top reasons for complaint made to TFL about the Tube. ‘Other’ takes the biggest slice. I’m hoping that includes at least one person complaining about the lack of tube-complaining.

The Commuter Community’s Twitter Faves

The commuter is only as strong as the company he or she keeps.  Forget fellow passengers, whose love handles we inadvertently grab as we stumble for safety; when we’re six feet under, it’s our Twitter feed that accompanies us into the abyss.

We at London Locomotion want you to be the best commuter you can possibly be. With this in mind, we’ve compiled a list of the top 20 people and groups you simply must follow. This is all about becoming a true commuter community – so we urge you to get a-following.

After all, Germaine Greer may have trumpeted the rights of many groups, but commuters were clearly not one of them…so we urge you to prove her wrong:

“Even crushed against his brother in the Tube the average Englishman pretends desperately that he is alone.” Germaine Greer

So, here we we go:

1)   TFL Traffic News: Official road traffic updates by Transport For London. A bit dry, but does its job @TflTrafficNews

2)   TFL Oyster: Official feed for Oyster card customer queries and information by Transport for London. Same as above @TfLOyster

3)   Transport For London: Official Transport for London feed for news and information. And we’re done with the offish stuff @TfLOfficial

4)   London Grumblr: Hilarious Tumblr about what really “grinds Londoners’ gears”. No tourist will get it, which makes our community even more special @LondonGrumblr

5)   Tube Crush: Spotlighting the finest finds on the underground lines. Because there may only be mingers on your carriage @TubeCrush

6)   Time Out London: Now free and handed out at stations, this magazine should dictate everything (and every person) you ever do in our fair Capital @TimeOutLondon

7)   Everything London: Another guide to London living. Perhaps not as sacrosanct as Time Out, but still worth a referral @LDN

8)   People On The Tube: If Tube Crush didn’t  scare you enough with Orwellian gloom, fear not! We’re always being watched. Try to find yourself @PeopleOnTheTube

9)   Evening Standard: Free daily paper. ‘Nuff said @StandardNews

10)    Londonist: Telling us the best London places and events. Because commuting needs incentive @Londonist

11)    Boris Johnson: Because we love Boris and he loves us @MayorOfLondon

12)   Mayor Watch: Because sometimes even Boris needs to be held in check @MayorWatch

13)   Metro: A daily paper that’s just for us! It may or may not be The Daily Mail in disguise @MetroUk

14)   Stylist Magazine: Another reason why non-commuters miss out on life. Especially on a Tuesday @StylistMagazine

15)   Shortlist Magazine: Ditto for Wednesday @Shortlist

16)   Tweet The Tube: Live updates about the tube, checked every five minutes. Doing the job so we don’t have to @Tweetthetube

17)    David Cameron: Well, if we’re following Boris… @Number10gov

18)    Geri Halliwell: This Spice Girl is a fount of knowledge regarding all and every tube-related matter @GeriHalliwell

19)    Sarah Harding: The Girls Aloud hell-raiser has been banned from driving for six months, so we can expect to see her making some serious “Sound of the Underground” this Summer (sorry) @SarahNHarding

20)    London Locomotion: Yeh, we’re self-plugging. Whatta shocker @LocoLDN