Rejoice, fellow commuters! For we have been gifted with yet another illuminating survey attempting to determine ONCE AND FOR ALL what the best and worst London tube stations are.
Scientists Who Specialise in Silly Surveys about Underground Transport (to give you your full and correct name), allow us to save you time: the worst is Bank. It’s always Bank.
We can also confirm that it is, however, scientifically impossible to choose the best, as that’s like choosing between your children. (Not because you love them all equally, but because just when you’ve got one to momentarily cease poking you in the nostril the other will start shovelling dog food into its mouth with both pudgy little hands. You know?)
Luckily, dear readers, we here at London Locomotion are nothing if not dedicated. So we decided to bring you an alternative. We present to you The Hot Line.
(We recommend you listen to this throughout the post, for maximum enjoyment.)
The premise is simple: we use highly scientific methods (data from TubeCrush) to categorically find out (make a good guess) which tube line has the most attractive users (creepy people who take photos of strangers minding their own business on public transport).
There will be tables – albeit colourful tables – with lots of numbers and stuff, so if that’s not your thing or you’re particularly impatient feel free to skip to the end. In fact, we recommend it! We’re fairly sure both the methodology and the actual maths are wildly inaccurate, so it might be best if you don’t examine the tables too closely.
If you’re still with us, let’s begin this sexy joy ride. Let’s first look at the number of TubeCrush posts for each line (as of this week):
Northern line wins, right?! NOT SO FAST. Yes, in purely numerical terms, the Northern line is streets ahead. However, this is hardly surprising given the number of journeys made on the Northern line (we believe ‘lots’ is the correct mathematical term).
So we divided the number of journeys made yearly on each line by the number of posts for each line on TubeCrush (we halved the number above, which is the number of posts over two years, to get an idea of the number over one year) and got a slightly different table:
“But wait!”, we hear you cry. “That just means there are lots of people travelling on the Overground who like taking pictures of supposedly attractive men! Just because there are more posts by Overground travellers doesn’t mean there are more attractive people on the Overground!”
To which we say “Thank you so much for pointing out our failings!” Luckily we’ve developed another method of determining the true Hot Line, using the top-rated posts on TubeCrush.
Here goes. This is a breakdown of the 13 top-rated posts on TubeCrush. (If a post is one of the top-rated, it means that the majority of people agree that the pictured Hot Guy is indeed Quite Hot.)
This eliminated a number of the lines, as they had no top-rated posts. TRY HARDER, YOU GUYS. Again, in numerical terms, the Northern line comes top.
But wait for it! To find out how many journeys it took for the line to get a top-rated post – and therefore find the line with the Hottest Guys, not just the most Hot Guys -we divided the number of journeys by the number of top-rated posts for each line, giving us the following table:
Not so hot now, are you, Northern line?
You’ll be relieved to hear that’s the serious maths bit done. Based on extensive statistical analysis, we are proud to announce The Hot Line. ARE YOU READY?!
Coming in first is… the Overground! Congratulations, our gorgeous ginger pal! You are The Hot Line! Go take your clothes off and douse yourself in champagne. And if you are one of the Overground’s Hot Guys: bravo, dear friends. Bravo.
(Yes, we know – this only means the Overground is the line with the hottest guys. You want to know the line with the hottest girls? Well, sadly, the data doesn’t exist for us to do an equally scientific post on the line with the hottest women. But even if it did exist, we probably wouldn’t do a post on it, because it would be crass and objectifying. What is wrong with you people?)