The Usual Suspects Found On The Tube

No commute feels right without at least three of the following people..

1. The Lush. Morning, noon or night, you can count on this inebriate staggering betwixt the carriages, bottle-shaped paper bag in hand. And thank god for that – he / she somehow makes us feel better about our own sorry lot.

2. The Tourist. They’re looking around, they’re making eye contact, they’re SMILING. They can’t possibly be from London.

3. The Square Peg. This person is wearing the finest threads and toting the flashest attaché. They’re far more familiar with Oysters on ice. They must be down here as some sort of sick fetish.

4. The Inanimate. They haven’t opened their eyes once. Are they meditating? Are they sleeping? Are they dead? Who cares.

5. The Slipshod. The person who reads over your shoulder, breathes heavily in your ear, and stands on your toes. Normally malodorous. Always unacceptable.

6. The Disarray. He / she is definitely running late. They’re half-dressed and trying to compose themselves on a packed, moving train. Discernible by the smudged red lipstick, under-breath swearing, and welling tears.

Which one are you?

 

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