On this most holy of holidays we present to you five reasons why the Tube is the Most Romantic Mode of Transport.
- Nobody talks. Is there anything more romantic than silence? Sure, it might not work on a date, but that’s the magic of a meet cute on the underground – it’s not a date! It’s a whirlwind encounter, where you can be anything to anyone! As Gaelic wordsmith Ronan Keating put it, you say it best when you say nothing at all.
- Lingering eye contact. Safe in the knowledge that you will never actually have to talk to anyone, you can stare away, a veritable seductress! But beware the reciprocal almost-stare, which just misses the eyes; while the object of your love-beam may be admiring your expertly-applied lipstick, they may also be wondering how you haven’t noticed the blob of dried hummus on your cheek.
- Persistent invasion of your personal space. If that’s not a relationship, I don’t know what is.
- Chivalry. Sure, you can spend your journey shoved against the doors with a backpack millimetres from your actual eyeball and an elbow embedded in your kidney. But when you’re offered a seat by a courteous Frenchman the world feels like a brighter, lighter place; the kind of place reached by jumping into a chalk drawing hand-in-hand with Dick Van Dyke.
- John Hannah.