What your Oyster card cover says about you


Flickr ID: Annie Mole

You’re not really into fashion – you care about style. You pride yourself on your neat aesthetic, and although the freebie cover you got from your bank would have been fine (you’re not materialistic, or anything) that garish logo really didn’t match your gloves. It’s just nice to look put-together, isn’t it? And your lovely leather cover matches your satchel so perfectly you are willing to keep explaining it is not a purse. You visibly wince when you see someone whose oyster card clashes with their socks. Why would someone do that? You have to resist the urge to gently tug their sleeve, brandish your own subtle cover and whisper “£4.99 on eBay!”.

You love art. Not the way everyone else does; you get it. You really get it. You go to galleries and everything – you even look at paintings by artists you haven’t heard of. You’ve got a Rossetti print above your bed and framed postcards of Henri Cartier-Bresson photographs hanging in a stylish cluster on your Laura Ashley-wallpapered feature wall. You’re almost certainly blonde, and probably a Libra.

Comic book
You don’t care what people think about you, and have the Captain America oyster card cover to prove it. You’re not afraid to whip out a graphic novel on the tube and snigger quietly to yourself at the funny parts. Sometimes you listen to Hans Zimmer movie scores as you sweep along the platform and imagine that you’re in Inception – but who doesn’t? You are scornful of the people who have comic book oyster card covers that are too subtle for anyone but the initiated to notice, but will still graciously exchange a knowing nod with your more cowardly comrade.

You’re not, like, super girly. You just like to look nice. And that’s okay, right? Because in this age of female empowerment (thank you Beyoncé!), it’s okay to want to look nice. It doesn’t make you stupid, or whatever. And, let’s be honest, glitter is super cute. Plus it’s like the 21st century equivalent of armour! I mean, look at Ke$ha. She is single-handedly fighting for… well, something. But she’s doing it in head-to-toe glitter. So why can’t you?

You have nothing to prove. You know that your worth is not in your appearance, or your accessories. Not everything needs to be customised, you know? So what if you have the same cover as thousands of other people? You’re still an individual, man! The war to assert your selfhood is getting tiring, and the oyster card cover is one battle you’re willing to lose. Also, you’re broke.


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